


bring me a higher love

by girlthehellup



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Slow Burn, and by drug use i mean marijuana, give it a try i guess idk first fic, mild drug use, other characters are involved but it mostly centers on hollstein, unrequited love-ish kind of at first, will probably have smut down the line
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7749298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlthehellup/pseuds/girlthehellup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Carmilla has been head over combat boots in love with Laura since high school, and Laura pretends not to notice until it may be too late. </p><p>Loosely based off of <a href="http://princessdanhowell.tumblr.com/post/106752295525/i-i-am-eighteen-and-you-are-twenty-two-and-i-am">this poem</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. swallow the words that i was meant to say

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is my first attempt at writing a fic in a super long time. I already have the second chapter finished but I think I'm going to post every Friday. I'm in the active duty army so I don't always have time to write so being a chapter ahead sounds like a good idea. Hope you enjoy it! I'll leave my information at the bottom if you want to talk about this, or Hollstein, or anything!

It starts when Carmilla is seventeen.

The abandoned bleachers of the old baseball field have always been her safe haven. A place where she can sneak off to when mother’s been a few more handfuls than she usually is. Mattie jumped ship as soon as college came around, and Will’s too much of a mama’s boy to understand it. The next person she felt the closest thing to warmth for was her drug dealer, and that warmth was only for the obvious reasons. 

She had always preferred being alone, anyway. Her thoughts were something she learned to handle on her own causing solitude to be more of a comfort than a hindrance long ago. And, that is exactly why she can only feel a growing sense of annoyance at the sound of loud and quick footsteps that only seem to be getting closer with every passing second.

There’s only one working streetlight a good distance from the bleachers, and with Carmilla’s sense of fashion usually being black- she’s a barely seen silhouette besides the red end of her joint where she’s seated. The uninvited visitor isn’t clear to see either. Though, her phone screen is lighting up her face that is practically dug into it, barely paying any mind to her surroundings as she stomps around what looks like aimlessly. 

“Oh, come on, Charmander. I know you’re around here somewhere!” the girl says rather aggressively, her steps quickening a few paces before slowing down then altogether coming to a full blown stop. “Aha! I knew it!” 

It’s practically a squeal, and Carmilla isn’t sure whether to continue to be annoyed or to find this to be amusing. She decides on both.

(She might know how to deal with her self deprecating thoughts, but distractions have a tendency to make things easier.)

It takes huffing, more than a few angry swipes at the phone, and a rather loud, “what the fudge?” before there’s a grin on the girl’s lips only visible due to the light before she’s throwing a victory fist in the air. Carmilla’s sure she’s about to start doing a dance but she freezes suddenly. She can hear the girl sniffing the air, and she’s only further amused by this- taking the time now to bring the joint to her lips for another deliberate and long hit. 

As she blows the smoke slowly out, she sees the girl’s head turn in her direction, but with the light of her phone no longer illuminating her face, Carmilla can’t make out her expression.

“Oh my god, please don’t be criminal.”

She can’t hold back the snort, but her amusement dies down when suddenly there’s a bright light shining right at her. A hand goes up to block it, and she squints as her eyes painfully adjust to the glare. 

“I have bear spray, and a taser, and I’m not afraid to use either.”

This time Carmilla scoffs. “The only reason I’m going to hurt you, cupcake, is if you don’t get that thing out of my face.” Her voice is scratchier than usual due to not using it for a long period of time, subtly clearing it after she finishes the sentence. It takes a few seconds, but finally the light is pointed downward, allowing Carmilla to drop her hand and relax her tense face.

The silhouette of the other girl seems more relaxed now, but her stance is awkward. As if she isn’t sure if she should go back to her very intense Pokemon hunting or continue for chit chat. 

Carmilla isn’t very fond of chit chat. 

There’s a sound of a clearing throat, and then, “well, good to know you’re not a _hostile_ criminal. At least, without reason.”

A hum is the only answer Carmilla is willing to give, the clearest signal she could use that wouldn’t invite a conversation and allow the girl to go back to what she was doing before.

Apparently, it wasn’t clear enough. “You know, doing that here probably isn’t the brightest idea. My dad has busted tons of people in places like this.”

“What are you going to do? Narc me?” Carmilla replies with a bored tone, drawing another hit from the joint. 

A shake of the head can be barely be seen in the dark. “No. I think recreational use of marijuana should be legal. It just… isn’t. Yet.” There’s a beat before she adds, “plus there’s a PokeStop at the playground over there which means I probably won’t be the only person to stumble over here and after hours is technically considered trespassing.”

“Doesn’t that mean you’re trespassing, too?”

“I think they may overlook my trespassing charge for a potential drug bust.”

She isn’t about to explain how what she has on her now couldn’t even be spun as possession to any cop who tried to charge her, so she allows silence to be her answer. Talking too much might take away the beginning of the high she was feeling and that would be a shame.

“I’m just trying to be helpful.”

Persistent one. “Noted, then, cutie.”

“Do you give everyone you meet pet names, or am I just special?”

Inhaling deeply, she lets the breath out in a drawn out sigh before silently agreeing to humor the girl until she leaves. “Only the pretty girls.”

“You barely know what I look like.”

She’s finishing off her joint before she replies with a shrug, “I have a sixth sense for this.”

The girl allows the silence between them momentarily again, her stance still awkward before finally she steps closer to the bleachers and stands in a more relaxed position. “My name’s Laura. I actually just moved here this summer with my dad.”

“Your dad chose a shitty place to relocate.”

“I actually think it’s nice here. It’s so small and everybody seems really friendly.”

Yeah, _too_ small. And, only friendly if the criteria for their view of normalcy is met. But, despite contrary belief, Carmilla doesn’t always want to crash everyone’s hopes and dreams so she’ll allow this Laura girl to figure that one out by herself.

She seems like she actually might have a shot of fitting right in, anyway.

“You know, when someone introduces themselves the other person generally introduces themselves back.”

“But, that would ruin the mystery now, wouldn’t it, cupcake?”

Before Laura could say anything else, the phone that was forgotten in her hand begins to ring loudly with ‘ _Bad Boys_ ’ that seems to physically startle her. “Uh oh,” is all she can say before she’s quickly answering the phone and clearing her throat. “Hey, dad-- I-- no, I am not playing Pokemon Go in a dangerous place again! … no, of course, I’m not alone. I have a friend…” she’s trailing off, her free hand moving to cover the mouthpiece and the light of the phone showing her face again with it up to her ear. A face showing eyes almost desperately looking in Carmilla’s direction. “Her name is…”

An eyebrow that Laura can’t see raises and a smirk slowly grows on her face. This new girl is actually kind of cute. If Carmilla was into bubbly girls, that is. 

Laura’s face gets more pointed and more desperate, mouthing a ‘please’ in her direction and acting as if she’s clearing something in her throat and coughing as if to stall. An Oscar-worthy performance, of course. 

After a few more seconds of smirking, she relents. Probably because of the weed. “Carmilla.”

\--

Laura has to leave immediately after the phone call. But, not before mumbling something about being ' _so_ grounded' and a rushed farewell. Honestly, Carmilla’s high at that point was hitting it’s peak so she could barely understand what the girl was saying but she managed a ‘bye, cupcake’ before she was gone.

And, then she didn’t see her again for the rest of the summer.

\--

Hood up, headphones in, and converse sneakers up on her desk, Carmilla has decided that it’s way too early to be dealing with humanity. She’s going to drop out this year, she swears by it this time. She can totally get her GED, and figure out her life from there. Become a drug dealer. Whatever. 

Except, her mom would surely kick her out then, she doesn’t think she’s ever going to figure out her life, and she’d be the shittiest drug dealer ever because she’d probably smoke everything before she sold it.

Plus, it was her senior year so she supposed she could finish off the rest of high school.

Homeroom is getting annoyingly packed by this point, and she’s praying that nobody takes the seat next her. Being the school’s pariah, her prayers are usually granted but there’s always that one kid every once in awhile who has to be a shithead. 

And, of course, she can feel the presence of someone sitting down to her left.

Her eyes are closed so she doesn’t see who it is. Carmilla swears if it’s another one of those jocks who thought their penis was the cure, she’s probably going to actually castrate them rather than just threaten to this time. “Go away,” she croaks out.

The music is low enough to hear the reply. “Well, good morning to you, too. I would leave you be in your voluntary state of isolation, but considering there aren’t any seats available besides this one-- I can’t.”

The voice is familiar enough to cause her eyes to open, head lazily turning to the side to get a view of the girl. 

It isn’t like she really got a fantastic look at her that night, but the features she was able to make out are identical. Carmilla practically forgot about the random girl on the field after a couple days, but the memory rushes her. Perhaps there’s a little amusement to the reunion. 

“Well, then, cupcake-- make yourself at home,” she says with a small wink. 

It seems to register immediately with the nickname and there’s a small smile gracing her lips. “Carmilla.”

Something about her remembering her name almost makes her smile back. Almost. “Cutie.”

“I have a name, you know.”

All the dark haired girl offers back is a shrug, yanking her head phones out of her ears at the sound of the bell ringing. 

“Karnstein, get your feet off the desk. I don’t know why I have to tell you this every year.”

\--

Due to Laura’s persistence and not at all Carmilla’s loneliness, the two become unlikely and fast friends. Laura was fifteen and a sophomore, but she acted more mature than her peers and even most of the adults Carmilla knew.

Not that Laura didn’t have her moments. But, they were oddly endearing and not usually annoying. 

(Plus, Pokemon Go was kind of fun, even if Carmilla would never openly admit that. Ever.)

The year went by fast with Laura, almost too fast. And, before Carmilla knew it, she was looking into colleges. Something she isn’t sure she would have taken seriously if Laura hadn’t been there.

(“Listen, I would never push you to do something you didn’t want to do, Carm, but I also don’t want to see you give up a wonderful opportunity. Your grades are amazing, and while your disciplinary record isn’t squeaky clean- it certainly isn’t enough to hold you back. You can really be something if you wanted to, Carmilla.”)

After looking into colleges came applying and then there was an acceptance letter. One Laura had to open because Carmilla was too busy staring at it and it seemed her friend had gotten too impatient. Laura’s reaction to the letter was possibly giddier than hers, with squealing and hugging to go with it. 

The college, however, was eight hours away. And, for years, the thought of leaving this place was nothing but solace to her. For years, it was the only dream she really had. To get away from her mother and all the other adults as well as peers who didn’t make her adolescence the most positive time in her life. 

But, leaving wasn’t just leaving them behind anymore. It meant leaving Laura behind. And, perhaps they had only known each other for the school year, but Laura looked at her different. Laura treated her different. Laura believed in her, even if she wasn’t sure why. That made leaving a little harder than it would’ve been before.

It almost made it feel impossible.

\--

The night she got her acceptance letter, Laura proposed to celebrate. Considering Carmilla took to not smoking around the daughter of a police officer, she picked the less likely to get in trouble route and snuck some alcohol over to Laura’s. It worked out perfectly considering Mr. Hollis had a night shift leaving the two to the house alone. The only liquor she brought was a harsh bottle of whiskey and the rest of the beverages were light beer. Obviously, the whiskey was for herself, knowing that the younger girl would want to try it but probably wouldn’t like it. Which is exactly why she picked the particular one she brought since it was far from a favorite. 

She was right in assuming Laura would want to try it. And, she was also right in assuming she wouldn’t like it. 

(“Please don’t throw up, creampuff.”

“ _How do you drink this stuff?!_ ”)

After that, the sophomore stuck to the beer and considering it was her first real time drinking, it didn’t take Laura very long to start to feel the effects. Carmilla wasn’t far behind her, opting to drink straight from the bottle as the two marathoned Laura’s favorite reality TV show, Dance Moms.

One thing Carmilla had found out fast about her friend was that she was touchy. It weirded her out at first, not use to casual affection and even acting standoffish whenever it happened for a point in time. Laura would back off for awhile, but would pick it up again in smaller increments until finally it became natural. They’d even find themselves holding hands at times.

Like tonight. Bodies slumped together, Laura’s head on Carmilla’s shoulder and fingers laced loosely. It was comfortable, and easy, and something Carmilla had never experience in her life. 

“Carm?” 

“Hmm?”

“You promise to stay in touch, right?”

The dark haired girl’s head turns away from the TV at the question, a curious look on her face. They’ve had this conversation before. Really, Laura practically tells her that she won’t have any choice but to stay in touch because “if you think you’re getting rid of me that easily than you are sorely mistaken, missy”. Perhaps sometimes Carmilla teases about it, but the small smile on her face gives her away. 

“Like, you’re not going to go to college and find other friends and have all that college fun and just, you know… gradually lose contact with me?”

“Ah, yes, because I’m so great at making friends and being social.”

Laura, who was making it a point to stare at the TV rather than at Carmilla, finally shifts her gaze and gives her a look of seriousness, revealing the small pout on her lips. “Carmilla, I’m serious.”

Carmilla’s eyebrow raises. “So am I.”

A sigh leaves Laura’s lips, and she’s suddenly sitting up to the edge of the couch. Her hand leaves Carmilla’s and she uses it to rub her wrist against her eyes. “No, this place doesn’t count.”

The dark haired girl follows suit in the other’s movement, positioning herself at the end of the couch and cocking her head. “What are you talking about, cupcake?”

There’s a lapse of silence, and Carmilla almost opens her mouth to try saying something else but then Laura turns to her and finally speaks again. “Your mom and outdated beliefs ruined this place for you. And, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” It’s Carmilla’s turn to look away. “And, I’m even sorrier for bringing it up, but, Silas isn’t going to be like that. It’s a bigger city, and it’s a fresh start. And, I want you to have that. Because you deserve it,” as Laura says that, she rejoins their fingers together and it makes Carmilla look back. It makes her notice the slight gloss to her friend’s eyes. “You deserve a clean slate, and more friends, and the chance to not have to be so damn… broody.”

Carmilla chuckles but there’s a hint of sadness to it, clearing her throat quietly at the knot that seems to be building up in it. Of course, Laura was going to get all friggin’ emotional when they’ve been drinking and she isn’t able to wear her mask so easily. 

“But, I’m going to miss you, Carm. And… I don’t know. I just want to know that you’re actually going to, like, try. I guess…” Laura blinks a few times and then a flash of embarrassment crosses her face, her fingers leaving Carmilla’s once more and her head facing back toward the TV. “I’m sorry. I don’t… I don’t know why I’m being weird--”

“Hey, hey,” Carmilla cuts her off and shushes her. “It’s okay. You’re not being weird.” 

Maybe she feels a little weird, but it’s not because of what Laura’s saying. It’s because it’s still new to her to fathom that someone cares enough to say it. Hell, there’s a big part of her that wonders if Laura was going to forget about her once she was gone. An insecurity she isn’t brave enough to voice, but one that lingers nonetheless. Laura had other friends and was well liked in the community. Even her blatant friendship with Carmilla wasn’t enough to make people shun her even if they criticized.

“Listen,” she breathes out with a sigh, her hand being the one to reach out for Laura’s this time and hold it with firmness, “you’re… the best friend I’ve had. In a long time. And, obviously, I don’t… it’s not easy for me to make friends. I don’t like people.”

Laura’s looking at her, all wide-eyed and pouty. “I’m not saying I don’t want you to make friends, I want you to--”

“I know. I know what you’re saying. What I’m saying is, even if I by chance do find someone I can tolerate-- the friendship you and I have? It’s not… it’s not likely I’ll find someone like you, princess,” Carmilla licks her lips and squeezes the other’s hand, dawning a smile afterward. “I promise to stay in contact with you.”

It takes Laura a moment, but then she finally smiles back and moves to sit back against the couch. When they fall into each other again, it’s closer than they were before and they wind up falling asleep in the den.

When Mr. Hollis gets home, he turns the TV off, drapes a blanket over them and pretends he didn’t see any alcohol.

(He reasons with himself that getting angry because two teenagers drank while watching TV in a safe environment rather than at some party somewhere on a Friday night isn’t the worst thing his daughter could be getting into. He also didn’t see the whiskey.)

\--

Carmilla voluntarily doesn’t walk at graduation. Laura wasn’t ecstatic about it, but knew very well that Carmilla had absolutely no desire to attend either graduation rehearsals or the graduation itself so she got over it. They spent from Carmilla’s last day of school until the end of summer practically inseparable. Mr. Hollis, while at first wasn’t sure what to make out of Laura’s friend, came around in the end. It was nice to have an adult figure in her life that didn’t completely write her off from the start. Especially when it came around to allowing her to hang out with his daughter.

They spent time at the abandoned baseball field a few times that summer. Laura thought it ought to be sentimental (and, she caught more Charmanders). It was, Carmilla supposed. It just made her remember when those bleachers used to be her sanctuary. 

Now, Laura was. 

It was hard to try to not think about what that meant. She’d catch herself sometimes, too. Staring at her a little too long when she wasn’t looking. Holding her hand a little too tightly. She had to stop herself, of course. First off, Laura was probably straight. She never got a total confirmation on it since the girl never felt the need to assert it with her. But, she also never said anything about her sexuality, period. And, they’ve talked about Carmilla’s plenty. Second off, Laura was her best friend and she’s somehow not ruined that so pushing it any further would probably start a time bomb. 

If preserving their friendship meant not thinking about her like that, consider it done. 

\--

The day she left for college was a hard one. Carmilla joked with a cracked voice if Laura was ever going to let her go as they hugged but made no move to let go either. If anything, she held on tighter. Mr. Hollis gave her a lengthy hug when it was his turn, and insisted that she took fifty dollars for whatever she needed.

Her mother never showed up (which was honestly fine with her), but to her surprise-- her brother did. Their relationship was peculiar. He was tense around her, but a sense of protectiveness was also there. Before Laura was there to stand up for her, Will had gotten into a fight with the football captain Carmilla’s junior year over her. She can tell he has trouble accepting it, but he’s much closer to it than most of the town. 

The tears might have brewed behind her eyes in the hug with her brother, and she might even had heard a sniffle from him, too. He asks if she’ll stay in contact. She says she will. 

Once she’s on the bus, she doesn’t look out the window. She isn’t strong enough to. Laura had started crying again before she even boarded and after the whole ordeal with her brother, she doesn’t trust herself not to crack. This is ridiculous. She doesn’t do tears. She _really_ doesn’t do tears in public places.

Sometimes it was easier when she was used to not feeling at all. 

(No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t at all.)


	2. so, am i wrong (for thinking that we can be something for real?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. This chapter is kind of all over the place, but the entire thing is kind of all over the place. So, hopefully it's enjoyed none the less.
> 
> Also there was beer fest so forgive me for posting it late.

Carmilla is nineteen now, and college is kicking her ass. Has been kicking her ass, really. Coffee, energy drinks and cigarettes have become her ultimate vices, and Laura swears the latter two are going to kill her every time she gets a glimpse of them during their Skype sessions. 

“Ugh, you moving into your own apartment is the worst because now you smoke all the time,” Laura whines with a wrinkle of her nose, her cheeks scrunched with her face between her hands. “At least when you lived in the dorms, you were too lazy to go outside.”

A snort follows the very true statement, ashing the cigarette into an empty coke can before bringing it up to her lips and taking a slow drag. “It’s the only thing keeping me alive, cutie.”

“I beg to differ on that one.”

She smirks at her screen, watching as Laura rolls her eyes and dramatically sighs. “You’ll understand when you’re in college.”

“I have AP classes, so I have a little hunch.”

“So did I, remember?”

That silences Laura, and her mouth moves to try to make a comeback to that. She can’t and it makes her huff. “I’m still not smoking when I’m in college.”

“I’m not saying you should.”

“Uh, you kind of are.”

“No, cupcake, I’m telling you that you’ll understand. Not that you should.”

“Whatever. I’m still not going to do it.”

“Okay, good.”

“Good.”

Carmilla can’t even stop herself from staring at the screen with fondness, smirking as she watches Laura pointedly ignores her as she taps away on her computer. She pulls her gaze away after a moment, and moves it back to her textbook, taking another drag of the cigarette. 

“You could at least not smoke when we Skype.”

“Okay.”

“Because, you know I hate it when you do it and-- wait,” Laura stops, blinks and tilts her head to the side. “What?”

She makes a show of putting the cigarette out, and shrugs her shoulders. “Okay.”

“Just like that?”

“Sure.”

“How come this never worked before?”

“Sweetheart, you’ve told me to stop smoking entirely. You’ve never asked me to not smoke while we’re on Skype. I can do one just fine, not the other.”

This seems to perplex Laura for a minute before she smiles brightly and deviously. “Now, I just need to be on Skype with you _all_ the time.”

Carmilla laughs. Something tells her that she wouldn’t be against that. 

\--

Danny Lawrence is all Laura can talk about for a long time. 

Carmilla had known Danny forever, considering they were both born and raised in their hometown. Danny was never cruel to her. Honestly, she was never anything at all. They shared the same homeroom and once an art class, but never shared a word with each other worth mentioning. 

Laura and Danny were also fast friends. The friendship was noticeably not as deep as her and Carmilla’s while the latter was still there. But, it seems like that’s changed because Laura talks about her a lot. At first, it was gradual. Just casual mentions of the two hanging out and stories that ensued. 

But, then someone forced Danny Lawrence out of the closet and it was a constant subject.

Of course, the story made her stomach turn when Laura first recounted it. Apparently Danny trusted the wrong person when admitting about her bisexuality, a girl on her soccer team. It spread through the rest of the teammates then to the rest of the school like wildfire. It wasn’t a complete shun, from her understanding, since most people seem to be able to accept it as a phase easier with that than with Carmilla’s full blown out lesbian thing. But, Danny’s home life has been nothing but eggshells since it’s happened.

Laura, being the problem solver she is, likes to bring this up frequently.

“I know you don’t like to talk about it, but she could really use a support system. And, you guys practically grew up together.”

The subject makes her want a cigarette and she wonders if Laura would get mad if she turned the camera off. Hell, if Laura kept pushing this subject, she might stop caring whether or not Laura did.

“I’m not telling you to do it. I’m just strongly encouraging it.”

Fingers rub at her temple as her free hand stabs a fork at the cold Chinese take out she’s eating. She’s not even hungry anymore but having food in her mouth gives her time to stall. “Laura, I probably would have forgotten about Danny Lawrence if you didn’t talk about her. We didn’t have any relationship. At all.” Bitterly, she adds, “she never even stook up for me back then. Not once.”

Laura frowns immediately. “Oh, come on, Carmilla. You can’t blame her for that. She was scared in the closet before that happened, imagine afterward.” The girl continues at the sound of Carmilla’s scoff. “I’m not saying what she did was right. But, it was human. You can’t blame her for not knowing what to do.”

Carmilla opts to chew on her orange chicken instead of say anything, not even looking at her computer at this point. 

“Again, I’m not trying to tell you to do it--”

“You’re just trying to guilt me into it.”

Everything’s almost completely silent when that leaves Carmilla’s mouth. She’s not even sure she wants to look up at the screen. She doesn’t think what she said is uncalled for, but if she sees the look on Laura’s face- she might start to think it was. 

“Carm… I’m not-- I really hope you don’t think--”

She cuts her off with a sigh, still not looking at the computer. “I don’t think you mean to, Laura. But, you are. You don’t shut up about it. And, I get it. I get it. You’re trying to do a good thing. You’re trying to help your friend. But, I’m not… I’m not a role model or something. I don’t have any advice. I don’t want to listen to her problems. I honestly don’t care. And, that might be hard for you to comprehend because you’re the exact opposite. You care a lot, and that’s amazing, Laura, it is. But, I don’t. Danny’s a big girl. She’ll figure it out.”

It’s quiet again, and it takes Carmilla a few solid seconds before she finally looks up from her food and at Laura. She looks like she’s processing what’s been said still, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. 

“Look, I don’t want to fight. And, I’ve got an essay to write, so, let me just call you back later. We can watch the new episode of Keeping It Up With the Kardashians or whatever. If you want,” she’s trying to make this better while staying true to what she said. Because, it is the truth. But, something about Laura makes her want to take it all back and just talk to the dumb redheaded jock if it’ll make her happy. Even if she really, really doesn’t want to open that can of worms. 

“Are we fighting?” Laura asks in a small voice that makes Carmilla want to throw herself off a cliff.

“No. No, we’re not fighting.”

“I just don’t understand how you can so easily not care about this.”

Carmilla’s jaw tightens and she blows a slow breath through her nose as she moves her hand to her mousepad. “I’ll talk to you later, cupcake.”

“Carmilla--”

She presses end before Laura can say anything else.

\--

It takes almost a week before they have another video chat. 

Carmilla constantly comes up with one excuse or another as to why she can’t do it. Midterms coming up would have been a perfect alibi if the year before she hadn’t easily studied with her on Skype. But, she used it, anyway- no matter how weak it sounded. She doesn’t ignore a message or a text. She just takes a long time to answer them.

killin’ me hollis (4:14PM): hey

carmilla (4:16PM): hey

killin’ me hollis (4:17PM): i miss you

carmilla (9:20PM): miss you too cutie

killin’ me hollis (9:25PM): :(

killin’ me hollis (9:25PM): skype?

carmilla (7:22AM): sorry i was busy

killin’ me hollis (7:45AM): okay…

carmilla (9:59AM): tonight?

killin’ me hollis (10:10AM): promise?

carmilla (10:22AM): promise

\--

She keeps her word, and sends a video call in Laura’s direction as soon as she’s online. It takes a few rings but she picks up and Carmilla’s heart flutters at the sight of the other girl. Stupid, dumb feelings. 

“Hey, Carm. Um, really, really glad you called--”

“Laura, the movie is ready and the popcorn is popped and the fort is in place. So… oh, sorry. Didn’t realize you were--”

Of course. Danny fucking Lawrence. In all her goddamn ginger glory. Having a movie night with her best friend. When they had plans. Awesome. 

“Yeah, um,” Laura clears her throat, and she looks rather sheepish between the two. “Can you… give me a minute, Danny? Please?”

Danny nods her head, smiling at Laura in a way that makes Carmilla glare. No, no. This was _her_ straight girl crush. 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’ll just be… chilling in our fort.”

With that, Danny is gone. Leaving a very nervous Laura on camera as she seems to glance around her room rather than at Carmilla on the computer.

“Have fun with your movie, _sweetheart_ ,” Carmilla says with gritted teeth as she moves her hand to the top of the laptop.

“I didn’t think you were going to do it,” is blurted out before she can close the screen. 

Her nostrils flare at that, and her jaw tightens more. “Oh, that makes me feel _loads_ better. It’s my fault. Thank you.”

Laura is biting her lip and looking down, her hands clasped and her thumbs nervously battling each other. She looks downright guilty and all Carmilla can think is _good_. “That’s not what I’m trying to say, Carm. It’s mine. I just--” she pauses to swallow before continuing, “since our fight… or not fight… I’ve literally been doing nothing but waiting for you to agree to Skype. And, there’s always an excuse. Always. And, when you texted me this morning telling me that it’d happen tonight-- I was so excited and happy. But, then I started to doubt that it was going to happen and Danny asked about a movie night. And, at first, I was really planning on saying no. But, the doubts came back. And, I just… knew that if you never signed on or texted me that you were busy, and I just sat alone… waiting all night… I’d feel really bad about myself. So, I said yes.”

Carmilla’s expression doesn’t change at the explanation. She’s still gripping the top of the laptop thinking about closing it because this is bullshit. “You’re getting really good at this guilt trip thing, you know.”

Laura’s shoulders slump and her eyes close, one of her hands moving to her forehead as she lets out a sigh. “I’m not trying to-- I’ll tell Danny to go home, Carm. I’d rather spend time with you. Honestly, I signed on to see if you were online out of curiosity. And, I just had this gut feeling you were. And, I even thought to myself that if you were, I was probably going to send her home. Or, tell her to watch the movie by herself if she wanted to stay over. Things at her-- well… yeah. Never mind.”

With her teeth gritting together, she stares at Laura for a long time. Her eyes are still closed and she’s rubbing her forehead. Carmilla can tell she isn’t lying. She knows Laura. She knows the girl too damn well and while it hurts her to think that Laura doubted her sincerity-- she also knows Laura didn’t mean harm by it. 

So, she deflates.

“Go watch the movie with Danny--”

“Carmilla, I’ll just--”

“No, really. No hard feelings. Go spend time with her. Don’t send her home. We’ll Skype tomorrow.”

Laura’s eyes are open now, and while she still looks guilty and unsure- she nods. “Promise?”

“Yeah, promise.” She waits a beat before adding, “I swear to god if you make plans tomorrow--”

“I won’t. _I_ promise. You and me. All day, maybe? It’s Saturday,” Laura smiles brightly, looking hopeful into the camera. 

“All day,” Carmilla agrees, her own smile finally dawning. “Now, go. I’ve got studying to do.”

“I’ll text you?”

“Sounds good, cutie.”

\--

Laura does text her. Hours later when Carmilla is having trouble keeping her eyes open as she pours over notes for the umpteenth time that night. She rubs at them, and takes a swig of her giant can of Red Bull before moving to grab the phone, sliding it open and not even slightly prepared for the text message she received. 

killin’ me hollis (1:36AM): i think i might have a crush on danny…

Who the hell did she piss off in her past life to deserve this?

\--

“When I say I think I _might_ have a crush on Danny, I really mean might.”

Surprisingly, she actually kept her word after the text message. Somewhat. Carmilla made up an excuse to give her another hour or so after she woke up, and remembered the text message to be a thing. And, since she woke up at three in the afternoon and they didn’t start Skyping until almost five-- it wasn’t going to be an all day event. But, dammit, she’s actually sitting through this conversation and if that’s not true friendship she doesn’t know what it is, honestly. 

“Because, I’m not… sure?”

Carmilla attempts to keep the blankest expression she can muster, but her nod is rigid. “Okay. Explain.” Or, don’t explain. That’s fine, too.

Laura lets out a dramatic sigh, fingers curled in the roots of her hair. She looks so disheveled and stressed and Carmilla might think it was cute if it wasn’t over whether or not she wanted to date a tall, soulless ginger. “So, like-- Danny grabbed my hand yesterday, right? And, I was just, like, okay. That’s fine. I mean, I haven’t held a friend’s hand since you, but it wasn’t weird or anything so I let her do it. And, it was all fine and the movie finished and Danny was, like, super quiet. And, of course, to compensate for that, I started rambling about the movie. I didn’t really like it that much. Like, the old Godzilla was better. I felt like the only thing going for this one was the graphics. And, while I went on a tangent about that-- Danny cut me off and told me that she liked me.”

Maybe if she thought hard enough about the fact that Laura didn’t grab anybody else’s hand since her when it was normally Laura starting the affection between the two of them, she could calm herself down. Not delude herself because if anything-- this proves that Laura has no interest in her. But, at least that meant there was something special between the two of them. Even if it wasn’t romantic. 

“So, obviously, I wasn’t sure how to react. You know the episode of That 70s Show when Donna tells Eric she loves him and he says he loves cake? Similar reaction. I told her I liked Doctor Who. And, then went on a tangent on why I think Rory Williams deserves the world.”

Okay, she shouldn’t laugh. She really shouldn’t laugh. But, she does. “Your game is out of this world, cutie.”

Laura’s hands go to her face, covering it as she lets out a groan. “I don’t know what to do.”

Carmilla’s silent for a moment, her finger tapping quietly against her desk. “How do you feel?”

The younger girl peeks through her fingers at the computer screen before dropping her hands altogether and sighing. “I don’t know. I mean, I never thought about her like that. But, she is really cool. We get along really well.”

An eyebrow kinks. “Okay, Hollis, I think the real question we’re going to have to get out of the way here is which team you’re batting for.”

“See, that’s the thing! I’ve never had to think about it. And, that’s kind of what I’m wondering about, too. But, I mean, if I am, I have no real problem with it other than my location, obviously. But, I don’t know? Maybe?”

“Well, there isn’t a rush to figure it out.”

“There kind of is. I need to tell Danny something. I don’t want to lose her.”

Carmilla sighs and shrugs, hand propping up against her cheek. “Tell her the truth, cupcake. Tell her you have no idea what you’re feeling and she kind of dropped a bomb on you that’s going to take some self reflection to figure out. If she can’t accept that, then maybe losing her isn’t such a bad thing.”

Laura contemplates this, staring at her computer screen for several seconds before smiling slowly. “Has anybody ever told you that you’re a genius?”

“Yes, actually. Many times. Because, it’s true.”

“Oh, shut up. You ruined the moment.”

\--

Things go back to their normal afterward for awhile. Laura’s pending sexuality nor Danny Lawrence is a conversation they have very often, which is okay with Carmilla considering she doesn’t like to think about either. It’d be easier if Laura was just a straight girl crush. There was no reason to hope for anything. She preferred it that way. 

They Skype’d almost every day to the point where sometimes they’d just be on video and practically silent for hours before finally holding a conversation. It was comfortable, though, and Carmilla had grown so used to Laura just being there that it felt odd when she was on her computer and Laura wasn’t a Skype window away. 

With winter break right around the corner, Laura began talking about possibly visiting. A conversation that always comes up for every break but fell through every time. They hadn’t physically seen each other since Carmilla left. Mr. Hollis couldn’t give up the time at the station and was much too protective to grant Laura the permission to go eight hours away to a city that didn’t have a shining reputation without him. Silas wasn’t New York City when it came to crime, but it still was a city and Carmilla herself didn’t live in the best part of town. No matter how much Laura pouted, it hasn’t worked yet. 

And, when it came to the thought of Carmilla going back-- well, that wasn’t happening. Not even for Laura.

“I’m seventeen now-- almost eighteen, you know,” Laura starts, pausing to swallow the cookie she was currently devouring. “I’m practically an adult. I can watch R-rated movies by myself. I think he might actually consider it this time.”

Carmilla looks amused as she says, “does he allow you guys to keep R-rated movies at the house now?”

Laura’s brows furrow with a pout. “No… but that isn’t the point. The point is that I _can_.”

“Please tell me that he’s taken the security code off the cable.” Silence. “Oh my god,” Carmilla erupts into laughter, head thrown back.

“Shut up! Stop. It’s embarrassing,” she whines, the pout still prominent on her lips. 

“It’s adorable.” At Laura’s huff, the dark haired girl smiles. “No, really, it is. Maman never cared enough to monitor what myself or Mattie watched. It was different with Will. But, with us? Pfft, when I was nine, she walked in on me watching Basic Instinct. Didn’t even blink.” Carmilla’s chuckle is hollow as she shrugs. “People think it’s so cool to have a parent who doesn’t care what you do, but I always craved the thought of a protective parent. It’s sweet that they want to try to preserve their children’s innocence for as long as they can. Growing up is overrated.”

Laura’s quiet for a moment, like she always is on the rare occasion that Carmilla talks about her mother. “You never think about it that way when you’re on the other side of the spectrum.”

“Nobody ever does, sunshine. When you have one, you always want the other. ‘Tis life,” she replies with a shrug. 

“I still should be allowed to watch R-rated movies at _seventeen and three quarters_.”

Carmilla snorts. “You do. He just likes to pretend you don’t.”

Another frown graces her friend’s lips before she lets out a long sigh. “I really do hope he lets me come out there, though. I miss you.”

She feels a bit torn. On one hand, of course she wants to physically see Laura again. On the other, the distance has made what she feels for her easier to nip. She knows that seeing her again would only make everything amplified. 

“I miss you too, cutie.”

\--

Laura isn’t allowed to come to Silas again (Mr. Hollis apologizes and makes sure Carmilla knows it’s not because of her), but she is allowed to take a half hour trip away with Danny and some other dumb people for four days before Christmas to some cabin since her father would be able to check up on them every day. Carmilla can see that Laura’s pretty upset about the fact she can’t come see her, but she’s also excited for the cabin. She was forewarned about the shoddy signal and no wifi already and she passes the knowledge to Carmilla, promising to try to text and call anytime she can anyway. 

When Laura leaves for the cabin, it dawns on Carmilla how big her attachment was every time she opens her computer and doesn’t see her online. It feels wrong to not have her there and it makes staying in her room feel disgustingly lonely. She’s out of it more, which seems to startle her roommate when they’re suddenly joined in the living room more often. LaFontaine wasn’t always the most tolerable person in the world, but they came around to understanding Carmilla to a point and made an attempt to not get on her nerves. There was bickering at times, but for the most part-- they did actually get along. And, Carmilla might have an inkling of fondness for them.

LaFontaine didn’t have an enormous friend base, but they did have a few-- who were over often. Mostly LaFontaine was a package deal with the other ginger, but a handful more would pop up. The Kirsch kid was weirdly likable in a very annoying way. Easy to pick on and easy to brush it off, so with with an increased amount of time spent with him- she started to not mind his presence. Perry even grew on her at some point. There was a few others whose names she didn’t really bother remembering but they weren’t the worst. 

And, then there was Elsie. Who always seemed to end up near her. It was cute, in a sort of pathetic way. Carmilla harmlessly flirted, but was standoffish if there was any physical touches involved. The blonde girl seemed to get it, even if she still seemed to always be close when Carmilla left her cave. 

Another thing she learned in Laura’s absence was that her roommate and their friends had a niche for partying. Maybe not Perry so much, but she was always a phone call away (if she wasn’t at the party) to be the responsible driver for the group. Carmilla even joined them one time, much to their and her own surprise. She wasn’t a social person. She didn’t consider herself a party person. But, then again-- she never really had a chance to. 

It was that night that Laura texted her, of course. When Carmilla’s a few drinks in, and- dare she say- having a bit of fun watching the college party unfold. The music is terrible, but watching drunk people attempt to dance might be her new favorite hobby. Especially LaFontaine, who thinks they’re going to be the one to bring back the sprinkler and lawn mower as dance moves. 

killin’ me hollis (11:24PM): send send please send FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

killin’ me hollis (11:25PM): oh my billie piper it sent

killin’ me hollis (11:25PM): CARMILLA HI

Carmilla smiles fondly at her phone, her stomach doing things she can only somewhat ignore with the alcohol flowing through her system.

carmilla (11:26PM): hey cutie found some signal?

killin’ me hollis (11:26PM): you have no idea how hard it was to okay

killin’ me hollis (11:27PM): it was a dedicated mission

killin’ me hollis (11:27PM): i am in a very compromising position but you’re worth it because i miss you

God, Laura is not allowed to do this. It’s so not fair and Carmilla is so not prepared for it. She rereads the message a few too many times. 

carmilla (11:28PM): i miss you too cupcake. having fun?

killin’ me hollis (11:29PM): yeah! everybody’s been really cool. dad stops by every day without fail but nobody seems to mind it too much

killin’ me hollis (11:29PM): they’re drinking right now and i only ever drank with you so it made me come over here on a mission to text you

carmilla (11:30PM): go easy, cutie. you’re a lightweight

killin’ me hollis (11:30PM): i’ve only had one so far

carmilla (11:31PM): you start feeling woozy at two

killin’ me hollis (11:31PM): shut up

killin’ me hollis (11:32PM): what are you up to?

Elsie has popped up at this point, starting a casual conversation with hints of flirting. Carmilla isn’t outright rude, but it’s obvious that she’s more interested in her phone. It makes the blonde pout, but she’s overly nice enough to offer to fill Carmilla’s drink up for her. She lets her.

carmilla (11:34PM): i’m actually at a party myself

killin’ me hollis (11:34PM): oh that’s great! Are YOU having fun?

carmilla (11:35PM): could be worse. could be better

killin’ me hollis (11:35PM): yeah, if i was there ;)

Don’t do that. Do not use winky emojis. 

carmilla (11:36PM): most things are better when you’re around, cutie

killin’ me hollis (11:36PM): :)

killin’ me hollis (11:36PM): i know

killin’ me hollis (11:37PM): *flips hair*

carmilla (11:37PM): oh god i take it back

killin' me hollis (11:37PM): no you don't

killin’ me hollis (11:37PM): okay well as much as i would love to keep talking to you i really am stuck in one spot and holding my arm up is starting to hurt

killin’ me hollis (11:38PM): i’m coming back tomorrow and i’ll be a little busy because i have to start prepping for christmas with dad but i want to skype asap

killin’ me hollis (11:38PM): so i will talk to you tomorrow. have fun at your party

carmilla (11:39PM): you have fun at yours and we will definitely talk tomorrow

killin’ me hollis (11:39PM): <3

Letting out a sigh, she continues to stare at the conversation and is only interrupted when Elsie returns with her drink. The phone slips into her back pocket, making the other girl noticeably light up. Carmilla also noticeably doesn’t flirt back as much.

\--

After the party was an afterparty, and Carmilla is toasted enough to go along with it. Natalie, Mel and Betty catch a cab back to their respective places but the rest of them are still going strong. Stumbling and sometimes incoherent, but strong. LaFontaine is a hilarious drunk even without meaning to be and Kirsch probably should be going home too but he refuses because he can’t miss the party. Between arriving to the after party and five minutes later, he’s lost his shirt and is doing the ‘party boy’ all over the place. Carmilla and LaFontaine both pretend to not know who he is.

The two of them plus Elsie thankfully stumble upon a quieter room where a blunt is being passed around, joining the circle as subtly as they could and getting in on it. Elsie inevitably finds herself comfortable next to Carmilla. 

It’s late at this point, which is why she’s surprised to feel her phone vibrating insistently in her back pocket, shifting to take it out immediately because it could only be one person. 

killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): carmilla?

killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): come on i ned these too send

killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): carmillla are you awake???

killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): send please i need to talk to her

killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): carmilla i think i’m gay

killin’ me hollis (2:50AM): i kissed danny

killin’ me hollis (2:50AM): are these sending????

Everything inside Carmilla turns painfully as she stares at her phone. Her face feels hot and her throat feels dry, and she doesn’t feel sober but she definitely doesn’t feel as blissfully drunk as she did before. 

“Karnstein,” LaFontaine says to snap her out of her thoughts, the blunt outstretched toward her and an eyebrow raised. 

Blinking rapidly, she takes it wordlessly and takes a long hit, trying to use that to calm down the stabbing feeling in her stomach.

“Everything okay?” they ask with a slur, but the hint of concern in their eyes is genuine.

“Peachy,” she replies shortly. It’s enough to make them back off, but they still watch her with curiosity. 

Carmilla pretends she doesn’t notice and looks back at her phone. She isn’t dealing with this right now. It’s selfish, but sometimes she needs to be. The phone is put back away and she takes her next puff before passing it to Elsie.

 _Elsie_.

\--

The light through the window is an annoying wake up call the next morning, and it brings an instant pounding headache as soon as she’s somewhat conscious. Things are blurred together but she remembers enough to know why she’s naked and why there’s a warmth next to her. 

She groans, and it makes Elsie shift but she doesn’t move further than that. Which is good, Carmilla doesn’t want to deal with that right now. She’d already have to when she kicks her out of her room since something tells her the blonde was going to want to stay. The girl wouldn’t have to leave the apartment if she didn’t desire to, but she sure as hell was going to leave her room. Carmilla had brooding to do.

There’s solace in her bathroom. She takes a long shower after popping a couple advils and stays in there even longer than necessary afterward, huddled against the wall and with the hood of her jacket up to cover her face. 

_carmilla i think i’m gay_

_i kissed danny_

_i kissed danny_

_i kissed danny_

There’s a groan again and this time it isn’t because of how shitty the hangover is making her feel. Jealousy isn’t something she dealt with easily. Hers comes strong and possessive and adds to the self loathing and insecurities she already has. And, it’s already beginning to eat at her with ferocity. 

She stays there for awhile before finally deducing that her stomach is also turning because she’s starving and leaves for the kitchen. Elsie is up by that point, dressed and seemingly nursing her own hangover by downing water in the living room with LaFontaine and Perry. LaFontaine has their head in Perry’s lap, dramatically telling her to write a will and testament for them because they're absolutely sure they're dying. Kirsch is sleeping on the floor in a position that makes him look dead and it would be concerning if he wasn’t snoring. The scene would be amusing at any other time.

Everyone seems to notice her, but once it’s apparent that she doesn’t want a conversation- they let her disappear back into her room with her cereal and don’t bug her afterward. Much to her surprise, considering she figured Elsie would try to talk to her.

It takes a lot of convincing herself, but she finally grabs her phone and is unsurprised to see more texts from Laura. Several, actually.

killin’ me hollis (10:04AM): i drank way too much last night

killin’ me hollis (10:04AM): oh my god carmilla i feel sick this is why i don’t drink

killin’ me hollis (10:05AM): i’m on my way home now so i have perfect signal though

killin’ me hollis (10:05AM): something tells me you’re still sleeping but i’m going to keep texting you because i have a lot on my mind

killin’ me hollis (10:06AM): i didn’t want to pretty much come out to you while i was drunk and you were probably busy but i honestly couldn’t keep it in anymore? it’s been something on my mind but i wasn’t exactly sure because until that one time i really really never thought about it. but then i thought about it too much and until i actually… felt how it was to kiss a girl… i didn’t really realize it

killin’ me hollis (10:06AM): granted i wish i was SOBER when i did it, i still definitely remember how it felt. and from the few boys i’ve kissed, it was different. i always thought that maybe i just hadn’t met the right boy yet but i felt nothing but uncomfortable when i kissed them

killin’ me hollis (10:07AM): kissing danny was so different, carmilla. i’m still not even sure i like her but holy crap girls are so much better

killin’ me hollis (10:07AM): i kind of feel bad it was with danny though. considering she does like me and i’m still unsure how i stand there but it was definitely enlightening. she knows too what it meant but she also made it clear that she was there for when i do figure it out. which is sweet. she isn’t pushing anything

killin’ me hollis (10:15AM): i kind of wish you’d wake up because i really want to talk to you

Reading the texts messages quells some of the misery she was feeling, finding deep satisfaction that this doesn’t mean she necessary liked Danny. Just that she was figuring out that she liked girls (the thought of her kissing Xena still set a fire ablaze under her skin). But, that also wasn’t a great thing either. That meant hope. That meant it wasn’t exactly impossible for her to have at least a slight shot. That meant if Laura never had feelings for her, she just wasn’t good enough. It meant too much for her to sort out right now.

carmilla (1:23PM): sorry about that, cutie. wasn’t keeping track of my phone and i just woke up

carmilla (1:23PM): welcome to the team

carmilla (1:23PM): we can talk about it later when we skype

\--

Laura has just turned eighteen and it's been a couple months since she’s realized she’s super gay. It honestly makes Carmilla wonder just how repressed she was since the girl is a practical walking rainbow after it. Still being where she was, it was decided that coming out in town probably wouldn’t be ideal but her father knows and accepts it without a problem. Carmilla knew it had made Laura extremely nervous to tell him, considering it was one thing with Carmilla being gay and sometimes the reaction could be different with her being his daughter. But, he had no qualms at all and their relationship didn’t waver a bit. It made Carmilla happy, of course-- but also a little jealous. Sometimes she doesn’t think Laura understands just how lucky she is.

Ever since then, Laura talks about girls all the time. Celebrities, mostly. And, she’s found Tumblr which is probably one of the reasons her gay skyrocketed. Commence an unhealthy obsession with TV shows and the fanfiction to go along with them. Carmilla’s dragged into some marathons (not that she pays attention very often) and is always on the receiving end of some kind of ‘feel’ induced rant. 

It’s adorable. Carmilla hates it.

The thing with Danny ended up turning into nothing, and Laura decided the two of them being friends would be ideal. Carmilla hid her shit-eating grin as best as she could when she found out. 

Except, that still didn’t make things much easier, to her dismay. She found her feelings stronger now, like the fact that Laura came out opened a previously locked door that contained seventy percent of what she felt for her and now it was always just there. So strong and so blatant. If it was anyone other than Laura Hollis, they would have figured it out by now without Carmilla having to say a damn thing. 

“How did I miss out on this show? I religiously watched Instant Star and Degrassi, but somehow failed to ever watch South of Nowhere. I think this is the missing piece of my life. This show completes me,” Laura lets out a happy sigh, her face in her hands as she stares at presumably the window where the show is streaming. 

Carmilla has one up as well, as in sync with her friend’s as possible but isn’t paying the utmost attention to it. She adored the show back in the day, but the themes now are too cheesy and overdramatic for her taste.

Or, maybe it’s because it hits home on some levels. Especially with them now venturing into the second season. 

“You know, Ashley reminds me of you. A lot, actually,” Laura’s mouth is full of popcorn so it comes out so muffled that Carmilla only really understands what she’s said due to context clues. “She’s funny, and sarcastic, and--”

“Hot?” Carmilla interjects, glancing up from her notes with a smirk. She isn’t flirting (she’s kind of flirting), but she does like to sometimes test the waters. 

Laura stops suddenly, her mouth hung open before she lets out a small laugh and rolls her eyes. “Of course, you’d say that.”

There’s a shrug of her shoulders before she’s back at her notes. This time she’s less focused on it, between listening to the gag worthy adorable conversation going on between Spencer and Ashley as well as Laura’s brush off of the comment-- it strikes something in her. “What? You don’t think I’m hot, cupcake?”

She doesn’t look up, but there’s a dash of silence again. “I mean-- you’re--” Laura’s laugh sounds nervous. “You’re definitely not unattractive, Carm.”

Something about the way she’s saying it doesn’t make it sound like a flustered admittance. More of an awkward one. It should have made Carmilla stop talking, but it doesn’t. “You’ve never thought about it?” 

This time, she looks up. Just in time to catch the flash of discomfort on Laura’s face. Her friend is staring at the computer screen, lips pursed tightly together and hands playing with each other nervously. She’s quiet for a long while and it makes Carmilla feel like an idiot. “God, Aiden is such an unnecessary character.”

Carmilla holds back a sigh by biting her lip, eyes falling back to her textbook and chest feeling heavy. She shouldn’t have said anything. “Yeah,” is all that leaves her mouth, the eraser of her mechanical pencil tapping against her desk. “Look, you can keep watching the show but I really need to finish this essay so I’m going to jet. I’ll text you.”

Again, Laura’s silent for a moment and Carmilla doesn’t have it in her to look up to see her face. “Oh, okay. I’ll just finish this episode and wait for you?”

“Whatever you want, cutie.”

“Okay. Um, good luck on that essay.”

“Thanks. Later.”

And, with that she ends the call and gets up to lie down, burying her face into her pillow to dramatically groan into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: [officermchaughty](http://officermchaughty.tumblr.com/)  
> snapchat: bravobooty

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: [stupidbutbrave](http://stupidbutbrave.tumblr.com/)  
> snapchat: bravobooty


End file.
